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poetry
As part of National Poetry Writing Month, I will be writing 30 poems in 30 days. I will try to write one each day, but if I miss a day or two, I will catch up on later days. Sometimes I will be following prompts; while other days will come from my own ideas.

I based today's poem on the prompt from NaPoWriMo.net, which was to write a poem with a title borrowed from one of the colorful ship names from Scottish SF author Iain M. Banks's works.




See if you can guess which ones are true.


A Series of Unlikely Explanations

My toddler smeared peanut butter on it
A witch turned into a frog, and it hopped away
A clown sprayed it with string confetti
I was accepting a Grammy
School children tied it to a balloon, and it flew to Iceland
The Supreme Court ruled it irrelevant
I couldn't think of a rhyme
A hobo stole it
I left it on the train... at Hogwarts
I was busy planning a flash-mob wedding
I am allergic to latex
For two weeks I had amnesia
My cat ate it
I was a victim of alien abduction and spent a month orbiting Mars
I was busy carving a stump into a bear with a chainsaw
My computer contracted Ebola virus
Sadly, I suffer from a medical condition that causes me to jumble my dachshunds
I coughed up a lung... literally
My computer ran out of "E's"
I accidentally recycled it
Elton John stopped by and wanted me to hang with him
I finished it, but it hailed a taxi and drove away
For the last six days I've been quarantined for rheumatic fever
The Easter Bunny hid it in a chocolate egg that I have only now eaten
My entire family moved to Hawaii without me
My source refused to talk unless I learned Swahili
I had a baby... two and half years ago
My computer switched to the Julian calendar, and I thought I had 13 more days
I was singing along to "Our Song" and forgot the words... all of them
My son's toys got in a fight, and I was brought in as the mediator
I was distracted by a Geico ad
I forgot how to read
My cat contracted food poisoning from eating the goldfish
I fell asleep
I was depending on Rumpelstiltskin to help me but he failed to show
I was stuck behind a really slow old man
There was a spider on it and I was afraid to touch it
I thought I'd written it, but it turned out to be a dream
A couple weeks ago I planted it, but it never grew
Neighborhood hooligans rolled it up and smoked it

And that, dear editor, is why
I missed my deadline





Like this poem? Donate any amount and receive a special limited-edition ebook, available as a PDF in May, titled "Now with Kung-Fu Action Grip." It will include poetry, essays and humor pieces about pregnancy, parenting and my creative, determined toddler, nicknamed Kung Fu Panda. Proceeds will go towards defraying the travel expenses for our upcoming trip to Illinois, where KFP will be a ringbearer in the wedding of a couple we regard as family. Help us make this the best trip of KFP's young life!

To donate by check or money order, please make it payable to "Alyce Wilson," include a note giving your e-mail address, and mail it to:

Alyce Wilson
P.O. Box 39706
Philadelphia, PA
19106-9706

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
whipchick
Apr. 5th, 2013 04:55 pm (UTC)
This poem makes me so happy! Like Shel Silverstein for grownups :)
alycewilson
Apr. 5th, 2013 06:11 pm (UTC)
Great to hear! Sometimes I feel like I'm living in his world.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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