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LJI9 - Week 5 - A Letter from Luke

This is my entry for this week of LJ Idol, Season 9. Please check out the entries of my fellow competitors and consider joining the therealljidol community. This week's topic was "Build a Better Mousetrap."



Luke's "Feed Me" Face
Luke giving me his "feed me" face



I'm on strike. Perhaps you've noticed. The pitter-patter of little feet in the room, the rustling under the radiator? My bad. Drastic measures, I know, but I had to do something to make you notice me again.

When you brought your human kitten home, I understood he needed special care. I even tried to groom him properly for you, but you brushed me away. Everybody knows a kitten isn't properly clean until it's licked. Everybody, that is, except for humans.

I bided my time, while the human kitten dribbled and drooled on your shirt. I said nothing when he spent hours on the lap I'd once claimed as mine. But it's been almost four of your human years now. In cat years, he'd be almost 30. Honestly, who's heard of a kitten living at home that long? What a slacker!

While I'm not saying you should boot him out, I am suggesting that maybe you brought home a defective kitten. I was able to walk in a fraction of the time it took him, and I was scaring away mice when I was only one of your human years old. He hasn't caught one mouse in his entire life.

Thanks for trimming my nails this morning. It's a little sad that you didn't do it until you noticed me getting caught on the carpet for -- I don't know -- about the fifth time, was it? I understand. You were way too busy clicking on truck videos on the blinking box for the slacker kitten to watch.

His lack of hunting skills is probably your fault, by the way. Instead of teaching him useful skills like grooming and prowling, you're been filling his head with silly rhymes about green eggs and ham. Instead of placing him next to other kittens and encouraging them to skirmish, you've been encouraging him to build cleaning robots out of plastic blocks! Priorities skewed much?

I was willing to put up with all of this because you were making special time for me in the mornings. Our yoga sessions together are my favorite time of day: the way you get down on the floor and hold yourself in different positions just so I can run underneath. I especially like the floor positions, where your hand is in the perfect position for petting me.

Then, for the past week, the human kitten started mewling and coughing. You spent the night cuddled together on the couch so that he could sleep better, and you skipped our special morning sessions. I have to admit it: I'm miffed.

Look, I can live with the fact that sometimes my food isn't served exactly at 7 a.m. and 5 p.m. (as annoying as that is). I understand that I often have to take the initiative and hop up on the arm of the chair so you can pet me with the hand not occupied with soothing your human kitten.

But catching mice on top of all that? Sorry. I'm just not feeling it.




The human kitten's home-game entry is about the (very Seussian) cleaning robot mentioned in this piece. It's super short this time, only 30 seconds with a transcript and description following. Come on, you know you want to see it!


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Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
similiesslip
Apr. 15th, 2014 02:29 am (UTC)
Aw, this was cute and creative. I've read things written by pets before, but your take was very original.

Your little human "slacker" is adorable :)
alycewilson
Apr. 15th, 2014 02:32 am (UTC)
Thanks! My two boys do get into a friendly competition over my attentions from time to time. :)
x_disturbed_x
Apr. 15th, 2014 12:17 pm (UTC)
This has to be my favorite piece about pets so far in this season. The voice in here is really what sold it to me.
alycewilson
Apr. 15th, 2014 04:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you! My husband and I like to "talk for" Luke, and he is very much like he is in this piece: opinionated, confident, and too cool for school.
millysdaughter
Apr. 15th, 2014 01:38 pm (UTC)
Fun!
alycewilson
Apr. 15th, 2014 04:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
i_will_not_say
Apr. 15th, 2014 01:50 pm (UTC)
Aw, poor kitty!

I liked the voice in this one. :)
alycewilson
Apr. 15th, 2014 04:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks! It's the way my husband and I talk for him when we're being silly.
kajel
Apr. 15th, 2014 05:40 pm (UTC)
Ah poor Luke! This was fabulous.
alycewilson
Apr. 15th, 2014 05:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you! It really is difficult sometimes to remember that he needs affection and attention, because he tends to be much quieter than my other kitten.
onda_bianca
Apr. 15th, 2014 11:07 pm (UTC)
Haha. I enjoy fun entries like these, it was good to read:)
minikin
Apr. 16th, 2014 12:47 am (UTC)
This is fun. I like the cat's point of view. :)
solstice_singer
Apr. 16th, 2014 12:51 am (UTC)
The Winter Solstice cat tells me she would make it snow forever if I brought home a feline kitten, never mind a human one. She deals with the dogs because she must, but she shall share with no one else.

Great entry!
suesniffsglue
Apr. 16th, 2014 01:04 am (UTC)
aww. super cute and creative!
jem0000000
Apr. 16th, 2014 07:47 am (UTC)
Awww. :) This is adorable.
n3m3sis43
Apr. 16th, 2014 10:06 am (UTC)
I'm sure my cat feels the same way. XD
eska818
Apr. 16th, 2014 04:33 pm (UTC)
Your cat is a boss, if he/she thinks this way. Also, loving the idea of your cat thinking yoga time is special cat time, ahahahahaha.
halfshellvenus
Apr. 17th, 2014 06:27 am (UTC)
I am suggesting that maybe you brought home a defective kitten.

Hahahaha! I can understand why a cat might feel that way.

I felt bad for our cats when our first child was born-- they went from being the focus of our attention to what must have felt like being virtually ignored. And yet, there was only so much we could do about it. With your first (or only) child, you already feel stretched pretty thin.
eternal_ot
Apr. 17th, 2014 11:59 am (UTC)
Aw..Luke sure knows how to give a dressing down..me shooting off to check the human kitten..sorry Luke..but the kid's adorable..;)

Edited at 2014-04-17 11:59 am (UTC)
whipchick
Apr. 17th, 2014 06:00 pm (UTC)
"You were way too busy clicking on truck videos on the blinking box for the slacker kitten to watch." Awesome :)

I really loved the voice here - it didn't get cutesy or anthropomorphic (despite being anthropomorphic) and the wry tone was so engaging!
roina_arwen
Apr. 17th, 2014 10:27 pm (UTC)
I love this! Very amusing. You really should have Mouse Time together with Luke and KFP - maybe a Mickey Mouse video or watching some Mouseketeers? :)
ljidolvillian
Apr. 17th, 2014 10:54 pm (UTC)
Nice entry. And at least your kitty is semi understanding. Unlike my Charlie who has a very kittymichaels attitude.
favoritebean
Apr. 18th, 2014 01:03 am (UTC)
Aww, this is so cute!
violaconspiracy
Apr. 18th, 2014 01:14 am (UTC)
I agree with the cat. The human kitten is a burden on the household and has to go.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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