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LJI Week 9: Rejected 404 Messages

This is my entry for LJ Idol Friends & Rivals (therealljidol). This week we got to choose from several topics. I chose "404."




Rejected 404 Messages
(written while children play a computer game about the body)

This is not the page you're looking for.
One of the pieces is in the wrong place.

No revelations here. No deep thoughts. No contemplation.

Skeletons can't type.
You're playing it wrong.

No apologies. No memories. No recall.

What do we do, Mr. Spider-Spider? (singing) Take me apart.
How do you spell your name, and what's your name anyway?
This is what your head looks like when it's bald.
Where does this even go?

No, it does not make sense, but life never does.

Wait, wait, wait you forgot its brain. The green ball.
I did this before. I hold my breath, and I... Why are you drawing???

The computer says no.

I'm going to touch your neckbone. It's also called your backbone.
You sound just like my brother.
Where does your heart even belong?
Stop it! Ewww!
I do not know where your heart goes. (On your shirt.)

No downtime, no respite, no pause to think.

You just did this? You have found it.
Show me. (I don't want to.)
I'm tired from seeing this. I can't even talk.

No. Blank. Page.

Can you stop pushing me?
I can feel my shoulder bones.

No time to lose.

You, get outta my biznss.
The rib cage protects all your squishy parts.

I want to get off of this thing. (Me, too. It's disgusting.)
No. I will always press no. Show me no.
Yes.

Doitagain doitagain doitagain! My turn.

- February 12, 2016




Thanks to the two very enthusiastic kindergartner girls who entertained my son while I stole all their words.

Comments

( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
halfshellvenus
Feb. 13th, 2016 07:36 am (UTC)
As abstract and bizarre as some of these things sound, you can also find the truth behind them. It's one of the reasons little kids are such fun. :D
alycewilson
Feb. 13th, 2016 12:17 pm (UTC)
Very true. I was going to go a different way with this poem, but I was so fascinated by the phrases they were coming up with. I thought it served the same purpose of alerting the users they wouldn't find what they wanted to find.

Edited at 2016-02-13 12:19 pm (UTC)
rayaso
Feb. 13th, 2016 03:56 pm (UTC)
You did an excellent job mimicking the thoughts of a small child playing this type of game. It was lots of fun to read.
alycewilson
Feb. 14th, 2016 12:20 am (UTC)
Thank you! Listening to them broke me out of the quite serious reflections I initially sat down to make. Perhaps for the best.
bleodswean
Feb. 13th, 2016 04:25 pm (UTC)
This sort of "found" poetry can lead to astonishing insight. You've done a great job here piecing together both relevant and irrelevant lines to create a very thoughtful hole. Much like the computer game being played, eh? It's all circular once you let the unconscious work.
alycewilson
Feb. 14th, 2016 12:21 am (UTC)
Exactly! I'm glad to hear these remarks, because "found" poetry can be an acquired taste, so to speak. You absolutely got what I was trying to do.
whipchick
Feb. 14th, 2016 04:57 pm (UTC)
I love found word poems, and this was so much fun to read!
alycewilson
Feb. 14th, 2016 07:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you. The phrases they were coming up with entertained me so much that I totally threw out my original idea and ran with it. Guess that's what happens when you write in a public library. :)
sinnamongirl
Feb. 14th, 2016 09:27 pm (UTC)
Very clever! Well done :)
alycewilson
Feb. 14th, 2016 10:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you think so.
dmousey
Feb. 15th, 2016 06:03 am (UTC)
You, get outta my bizness!
That cracked me up! Peace and thanks for the chuckle!
alycewilson
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:16 am (UTC)
Thank you! That was the goal. They had me laughing as I was typing.
roina_arwen
Feb. 15th, 2016 06:00 pm (UTC)
Very interesting trains of thought here!
alycewilson
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:15 am (UTC)
Yes. There's no telling where 5-year-old's brains will go.
dee_aar2
Feb. 15th, 2016 07:02 pm (UTC)
Hehe .. I loved this. Very creative and engaging. Love the Voice in here ... unique.
alycewilson
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:15 am (UTC)
Thank you! Children are such a delight.
inteus_mika
Feb. 15th, 2016 08:04 pm (UTC)
Found poetry, in the best possible way — from LIFE, and the mouths of babes! :D What a delight!
alycewilson
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:14 am (UTC)
Thanks! They completely rewrote what I was planning to do, but I didn't mind.
adoptedwriter
Feb. 15th, 2016 08:17 pm (UTC)
The inner-thoughts of a kid are so entertaining and more accurate that most people realize! Fun read! AW
alycewilson
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:13 am (UTC)
Yes. They also have the most amazing ways of expressing those thoughts. They put words together in a way no adult would.
witchwife
Feb. 15th, 2016 10:57 pm (UTC)
hah - what a fun read!
alycewilson
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:13 am (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you had fun.
prog_schlock
Feb. 15th, 2016 11:12 pm (UTC)
This is hilarious and charming. I love that you used a dada "found text" technique to create this from a real life situation. Old school avant garde!

For some reason, I am reminded of this song:

alycewilson
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:12 am (UTC)
I get that: similar anarchic, silly energy. Very Beatles/Wings influenced, right?

I'm glad someone got the Dada connection. It occurs to me that a lot of people don't know what to do with "found" poetry, but I find it's a great way to tune out the brain, get Zen so to speak, and find the beauty and art in the world around us.
murielle
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:59 am (UTC)
Fun, but in that frustrating dealing with technology I haven't a clue about--not your poem! The technology!

Good read, thank you!
alycewilson
Mar. 15th, 2016 07:22 am (UTC)
Thanks! It was amusing watching these kids playing with the video game, because they were talking back to it -- instead of getting upset -- when it didn't do what they wanted. I thought that their messages to the computer would make for interesting "404: Page Not Found" messages, in order to make the user laugh instead of be angry.

Glad you found it entertaining.
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )

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