April 1st, 2008

Carousel 2019

Unexpected Package

This morning, I was awakened by the doorbell. Our doggie, Una, barked her head off as I frantically pulled on a robe and rushed down the stairs.

At the door, I was met by the FedEx guy, who wanted me to sign for a package. The package, at his feet, was large and dented, as if it had suffered a rude journey. The FedEx guy, I noted, was sweating profusely. He seemed relieved to get my signature and continue on his rounds.

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An Open Letter

Dear shirankirei:
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our horoscope doesn't match. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped outside of Chicago, and I saw you carve your initials into Donald Duck. I'm sure you're masochistic enough to understand how awful I've felt. I'm returning the cut toenails to you, but I'll keep your photo as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about Oprah Winfrey imitations.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,


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