bouncyHow to Name a Cat
(for an unnamed gray kitten)
1. Scientific Method
Study footpads
hoist the tail
measure whiskers
compare aspect ratios
check math twice
resolve numeric code
into alphabetical formula.
2. Artistic Method
Fill bowl with food coloring
place near blank canvas. The image
your cat creates will
suggest its name.
3. Musical Method
Play music for your cat.
Name her after the song
that makes her purr or yowl.
4. Random Sampling Method
Write names on cards.
Place them on a bed. The cat
will lie down on its name.
Margin of error: +/- 2.
5. Shamanistic Method
Place your cat on your pillow
and dream your cat's name.
6. Telepathic Method
Gaze deep into your cat's eyes
and ask its name. Listen.
