I'd like to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the elephants: specifically, the blue and purple plush elephants that dangle from my 5-month-old son's bouncer, and the turquoise elephant with the small blanket-like body whom my husband calls Harry Elefante. I'd like to thank all of you for your patience and understanding with our Kung Fu Panda.
It can't have escaped your notice that KFP has tried to eat you. He has gummed your trunks, drooled on your legs, and nibbled on your ears. The experts tell us this is a stage. I regret to inform you, however, that it will not be over any time soon. Apparently, he is teething, and this involves a lot of chewing and a lot of drool. Again, we do appreciate your patience, and we'll try to let you occasionally dry out.
To the green elephants who decorate KFP's sheets, my sincere apologies for the many times you have been dampened in a most unpleasant way. I'm sure that, decorating crib sheets as you do, you might have expected a nightly soaking as an overnight diaper became full; yet, your proximity to the changing station has resulted in some fountain-like overflow, as well. I assure you, this distresses me as much as it does you. We thank you for your tolerance and hope the frequent washing doesn't wear you out.
I haven't forgotten your cousins, the green elephants who inhabit KFP's car seat. It must be distressing to have to hear him cry so often, but he dislikes being strapped in. We are working on getting him to enjoy car rides, but so far singing and talking to him have no effect. Unless he falls asleep, he usually howls. I believe he thinks we are torturing him. Thank you for your steadfastness, and for keeping him secure even as he screams.
To all of our elephants: please take some comfort from the fact that you are helping to instill a lifelong love for animals, which hopefully will translate into respect for wildlife. You are ambassadors for all of elephant-kind. Because of you, our Kung Fu Panda will think of elephants warmly, as friends who should be protected.
But for now, and for the forseeable future, when KFP thinks of elephants, he'll drool.
Plush elephants are yummy.