alycewilson (alycewilson) wrote,

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Found Fathers Day Card

On Sunday, as you know, it's Fathers Day, the day when fathers around the country can look forward to thoughtful gifts (bought by Mommy or other relatives), Dollar Store presents (from a youngster's allowance), and homemade gifts and cards from Daddy's little tyke. If he's lucky, though, he won't get a card like this one.

I found this about a year ago, lying on the sidewalk. It's crayon and pencil on faded red construction paper (which looks darker here because I adjusted the contrast to make it more readable). It reads: "6/21/09, Dear Dad, happy father's day but don't ask what you get or yull have play baskitball. from R." *

Happy Fathers Day

Don't ask what you get, because this card is it. What do you expect? I'm a 7-year-old with no job and no allowance. If you want, I could make you a craft project from dryer lint and some used pantyhose. Either that or we play basketball. Your choice.

On the front of the homemade card, fashioned out of construction paper, is what appears to be a living room, with a long, dark-colored couch (on the left), a glass coffee table (at the top), a flat-screen TV (center) and a larger-than-life video controller (bottom). The TV screen has some characters on it and says "PlaGam" (play game) and "GameLife."

Dream Living Room

I'm guessing the students were told either to draw a picture of their house or to draw something they do with their fathers. Either way, video gaming is clearly of paramount importance to little R. However, I find it interesting that there's only one controller.

The portrait of the father is alarming: no eyelids, no nose, no lips, no neck, and only vestigial feet. Indeed, he seems held together by the oily black suit and the phantom tie. The sort of suit people are buried in. Hmm...

Zombie Father

Daddy, I know I'm not supposed to tell Mommy that you still visit, even though we buried you a year ago. I'm going to put this on the sidewalk so you can find it. I can't invite you in to play videogames, because Mommy got rid of your controller after your nose fell on it and got goo on the buttons. I know you lost your toes playing basketball, but I'd really like to play again. But this time, can we use a real ball? Because skulls don't bounce. Also, I'm trying to find you some brains, like you asked, but Mommy says she needs hers. Daddy, I'm trying really hard not to be scared about your missing neck, but did you know your tie is the only thing holding your head up? I love you, Daddy. Just please say something other than "Brains."

Happy Fathers Day, everyone!

* Name obliterated to protect the innocent

Even zombie dads need love on Fathers Day.

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Tags: fathers day, found items, holidays, humor

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