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Belated Mommy: Why I Waited

As you may or may not realize, I'm working on a non-fiction book of essays related to being an older mom. I'm going to try to post on that blog at least once a week. Here's another chapter.

Why I Waited


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 16th, 2013 10:29 pm (UTC)
I did not realize, but good for you!

I think there's value in waiting. My Mom was in her early thirties when she had me, and my dad was 36 - younger than you were, but still older compared to their siblings and friends. I have cousins a decade and a half older than me! But it worked out well, I think. ;) There's ways you're prepared when you wait that you aren't always in your twenties. Even if I were married, there's no way I could have a kid now. I'm not emotionally or mentally ready. Ten years down the road, maybe I will be. :)

That's not to say it doesn't work for some people - but it's not always bad to wait, either.

Edited at 2013-08-16 10:30 pm (UTC)
Aug. 16th, 2013 10:41 pm (UTC)
I completely agree with you; I wouldn't have been ready at 27 and was definitely hoping to have a child for all the wrong reasons. So many of my friends waited until their 30s to have children that I'm still shocked when strangers confuse me for a grandmom!

The most important thing is to be honest about your expectations and your limits. When the time is right, you'll know.
Aug. 16th, 2013 10:52 pm (UTC)
That was a lovely article. Just lovely.

You have the perfect child for how your life turned out, and you are raising him in the right circumstances, together with a husband who loves and supports you (rather than someone who would make your job harder).

You are also having the opportunity to do all of this a little more slowly, and appreciate it more, because that is also one of the things older parenting gives us. Having seen so much else, you know how special the little person you've got is, and I think that added perspective is a gift.
Aug. 16th, 2013 11:27 pm (UTC)
As always, you got out of that piece exactly what I was hoping to convey. I feel driven to write this book because I know there are a lot of other people out there like me who all have their own stories -- some of them similar to mine and some very different -- and I feel like it's important to give voice to the particular concerns and realities of starting motherhood a bit later.

I do often feel as if I am coming at things from a point of more wisdom, but I know that my resilience may be lower than it would have been 10 years ago, too! I'm thinking of writing a more humorous piece getting at some of those issues, perhaps for next week.

Aug. 17th, 2013 02:17 am (UTC)
That's actually very interesting and I think it's becoming important for us to wait so we can do what we want and achieve where we can provide for our family. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
Aug. 17th, 2013 03:45 am (UTC)
Thanks for checking it out! I agree that more and more people seem to be waiting. Except for some high school friends who got married right after graduating, most of my friends waited until at least their mid-30s to start.
Aug. 19th, 2013 06:56 pm (UTC)
At least your high school friends were smart enough to get married. All of mine that I graduated with either got pregnant from one night stands or with a boyfriend who ended up just leaving because they wan't nothing to do with raising a kid since they're still young too. It's difficult to watch a never ending cycle.
Aug. 19th, 2013 07:44 pm (UTC)
Actually, a couple of my friends have teenagers because of unplanned pregnancies. One of them is a single mom who put herself through law school (!!) The other married the father, whom she later divorced and married someone else. In both cases, they were at least out of high school first, which I think made it easier. One was in college, which I know was challenging, especially when she decided to stay in school. I have nothing but admiration for them both.

But most of my high school classmates who have teenagers (or college-age students) got married immediately after graduating to their high-school sweethearts.

It must have been really hard on your friends not having the support from a partner. Hopefully, they had that support from their family.
Aug. 17th, 2013 01:57 pm (UTC)
It's always interesting how things turn out, and where our choices take us, isn't it?

I was convinced we were going to have 2 children and that was it and we were done and... yeah, not so much. :) We had our first baby when I was 25, but I was one of those "high-risk pregnancy due to advanced maternal age" women for our last two, since I was 37 with son #3 and turned 39 the year our daughter was born. (I was seriously offended by that designation, by the way. "Advanced Maternal Age"??? Really??? I didn't feel old. I know why they designated the pregnancies high risk, but couldn't they have been more politically correct? :P)

But what really prompted this comment was your story about the ultrasound and the fluid, and man, do I remember that fear (we had the same thing with our daughter, although it was on a different part of the brain, and so indicated different potential problems). We had our first ultrasound on Valentine's Day, which was the anniversary of our first date, actually. SUCH a relief at the follow-up, to find out everything was fine. (Also, I had been convinced that we were having a fourth boy, and when they told us we were having a girl, I said, "Are you sure?" Sure enough... )
Aug. 20th, 2013 01:20 am (UTC)
That does sound like almost exactly the same experience that we had. Don't know why, but I'd had so many dreams of a dark-haired baby girl my whole life, I was certain I was going to have a girl. Hmm. Maybe I was dreaming about my oldest niece, who is the closest thing to a daughter I expect to have.
Aug. 18th, 2013 02:48 am (UTC)
This is really cool. Thank you for sharing.
Aug. 20th, 2013 03:32 am (UTC)
You're welcome. Thanks for reading!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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