Nearly four years into the adventure of motherhood, I've read enough parenting magazines that I'd like to call shenanigans.
No real mom has time to make each plate into a cute image of a cartoon scene. I'm sure that olives make a lovely set of eyes on somebody else's pizza, but my son won't touch olives. Heck, he won't even eat pizza. The last time I made such fancy food, it was a burger that looked like a monster. My son admired it, and then picked everything off and ate just the bun and the cheese. I'm beginning to suspect he might be vegetarian.
No real mom turns all her used egg cartons, toilet paper rolls and empty coffee cans into adorable craft projects. I will admit, though, that my son and I turned a Xylitol container into a crayon container by sticking on some adhesive sparkly foam and some cupcake stickers he'd chosen. Ironically, if I had offered him one of those cupcakes in real life, there's only a 50 percent chance he'd have eaten them. The percentage is higher, though, than it would be for him eating pizza.
No real mom has the time to follow through on all the makeup tips included in today's hipper parenting mags. I'm not on a reality show; I'm not working in an office. I keep it simple. Most days, I'm lucky if I remember to put on my facial moisturizer. On really special days, I put on my five-minute face. But who cares? My nearly 4-year-old son still tells me I'm pretty.
No real mom has the ability to balance a full-time job, be the perfect mom, work on her relationship with her husband, and keep the house tidy. I barely even have time to read your magazine.
So why do I still subscribe to it, you might ask? Because dreaming is an essential part of our makeup. I pull out recipes and craft ideas and talk my husband's ear off about parenting theories we'll probably never try. Just because my dresser is currently covered with empty toilet paper rolls to make a beautiful flower project that may never come to fruition, just because the stack of kid-friendly recipes gathers dust in the dining room while I roast yet another chicken, just because I have never actually bought any of those cool kids' toys and products that I pull out and keep in a folder, doesn't mean that I won't follow through someday.
I'm a real mom, but maybe someday I'll change the definition of what that means.
No home game entry for kfp_rawr this week, but I've entered a second video in the Duplo "How do you play?" competition, to take a second chance at winning him some awesome Duplo sets. To help us out, go to my video page and click "like" on the video "Master Builder." Voters can opt to be entered in a drawing to win Duplo sets, too!