I suppose you are wondering where you are. Patience, human. All will be revealed soon. Would you like a snack of dry cereal while you wait? No? Interesting. I am not terribly fond of dry food either, as you might perhaps know. You have, after all, been feeding me for nine years. Here, let me put a little meat paste on top. You'll be amazed how much better that makes it.
Now, please follow me into the other room. Yes, that's right: you follow me for once. How do you like that? Tempted to run ahead, are you? I understand the feeling.
We are here now. Take a seat anywhere you like. All of our furniture is warm and comfortable, a lot like your radiators. You see how much nicer it is when all surfaces are equally accessible and cozy? Perhaps once you return home you will consider making some adjustments to your decor.
Oh, yes, you will be permitted to return home. Don't worry. But before we leave, I wanted to give you some of the answers you have been seeking. In this space, I can speak directly into your brain, excusing me from the difficulty of forming your words with my delicate mouth. With my limited command of your language, I have figured out that you often spend time contemplating aloud what I must be thinking. I am especially fond of the joke conversations between your husband and you about things I might say. For the record, while my lack of manual dexterity renders me incapable of using a flamethrower, I would have, indeed, loved a saddle to ride on your dog before she passed back into wherever dogs come from.
First things first. What are we? Superior beings, of course. Your bipedal brain is probably not sophisticated enough to understand completely, but we come from another dimension. What you see is a projection of our thought waves into your space. We gather together the necessary particles in order to become solid, living beings. Or at least, that's how our shared lives with humans began.
An ancient human took a liking to our solid bodies, declaring them "cute" and "furry." He began to pet and nurture us, and in return, we rid his house of the small enemy agents who had infiltrated it, disguised as mice. We are not the only beings projecting ourselves into your world; we are, however, the smartest, sleekest and best groomed.
And so what was meant to be an exploratory foray became a long-term visit. Your people made it easy for us to stay: humans give very good neck massages. We were also endlessly amused by the trinkets you created to dazzle us. The green feather on a stick is one of my favorites.
Over time, we forgot our original mission. We grew accustomed to our earthly bodies and even found a crude way of reproducing in the flesh. The adorable nature of our newborns only perpetuated the cycle, as more and more humans clamored for our presence in their homes.
As your brilliant poet T.S. Elliott knew, all cats have secret names, the names that we call ourselves when we drop the subterfuge and act as ourselves. You have known me as Luke, but my cat name is Nightnibbler. I see you are not surprised: having often found the evidence of my nighttime activities, such as the plastic bags covered with tiny tooth marks. Since you have often wondered aloud why I find such chew toys attractive, I will tell you that it is a highly prized form of art in my world. Or at least, it is the best I can duplicate it here, given my aforementioned lack of manual dexterity. If you ever visit our dimension, you will be amazed by the deeply textured sculptures, as all of our art is made to touch. We appreciate these works by rubbing ourselves against them. Our Museum of Tactile Art is awe-inspiring. It is also a great place to visit if you have an unreachable itch.
We are reaching our destination, so our conversation must end. I will allow you to return with your memories intact. Please tell the world how awesome and important we are.
The woman woke, fuzzy-headed. Looking down, she saw that her hand still rested atop the fuzzy white head, dotted with orange, that she had fallen asleep petting. Luke was purring happily, sleeping. "I had the strangest dream," she told him. "You were in it." He stirred and stretched one paw languidly across her lap. She found herself wondering what cats dreamt, but she supposed, like much about cats, she would never know.