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LJI 10 Week 16: Thunder Genesis

This is my entry for LJ Idol on the topic "Thunderclap."



Thunder Genesis

Ozone snaps me upright. Pupils surge--
fireblue in the dim. Gray shadows
blotch the rivuling light. A
voice, choked back
in thought. Was that my
siren call? A thudding alarm,
deep yet musical chest rhythm?
I had not heard since falling
... asleep? Perchance to dream,
they say. But this time no
dreams return, nothing
but the black. I
am alive.




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Comments

( 29 comments — Leave a comment )
bleodswean
Apr. 28th, 2017 12:08 am (UTC)
Whoa. I really, really like this. The cadence is spot on and the poem worth re-reading and re-reading. It's wonderful when a piece can convey through the rhythm of the words as they play over in one's head.
alycewilson
Apr. 28th, 2017 12:17 am (UTC)
That is high praise coming from you! I'm so glad you think so. Believe it or not, I wrote it while waiting for my highlights to set in the hair salon, because I didn't think I was going to make it home in time (and didn't).
bleodswean
Apr. 28th, 2017 12:27 am (UTC)
I do believe that! There is something that happens when our heads are involved....showers, swimming, hair salon! And it's so cool that you were able to take advantage of that and capture this thunderous poem. What I particularly like about it is that it's small and yet so large in delivery. It's got a power you should be proud of.
alycewilson
Apr. 28th, 2017 12:50 am (UTC)
Thanks! My favorite poems to write are those that are short and densely packed. Sometimes you just need the right setting to bring it out! I didn't do the NaPoWriMo challenge this April, but that's one of the things that I usually discover when I force myself to write a poem daily. It causes me to write sometimes in very unusual spaces.
adoptedwriter
Apr. 28th, 2017 02:02 am (UTC)
Wonderful! It depicts the struggle for "me time" which is always in conflict with "time for everything else". Nice!
alycewilson
Apr. 28th, 2017 10:51 am (UTC)
I love that interpretation of it! That definitely is an ongoing struggle for me.
eternal_ot
Apr. 28th, 2017 02:35 pm (UTC)
You packed a punch in these few words. Lovely! I always struggle while meditating and maybe this is what you achieve when you hear your inner voice.
alycewilson
Apr. 28th, 2017 05:27 pm (UTC)
Great take on it! I'm pleased that readers are getting different things from this one. I was going for a very internal feel here.
bewize
Apr. 28th, 2017 05:06 pm (UTC)
Very cool. I like the last line.
alycewilson
Apr. 28th, 2017 05:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I know it's simple, but I thought it might underscore some of the self-reflection in this one.
j0ydivided
Apr. 28th, 2017 09:05 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this -- it's sparse, but it works here. You paint a very stark picture.
alycewilson
Apr. 30th, 2017 04:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I wanted the reader to be able to discover this moment with the speaker of the poem.
(Deleted comment)
alycewilson
Apr. 30th, 2017 04:37 pm (UTC)
That's amazing! I love those sorts of coincidences. And thank you.
swirlsofblue
Apr. 30th, 2017 10:05 am (UTC)
Utterly beautiful and gorgeous, love it.
alycewilson
Apr. 30th, 2017 04:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I take that as a true compliment from you, as I admire your ability to deep-dive into the double side of darkness and beauty.
penpusher
Apr. 30th, 2017 04:30 pm (UTC)
Just enough and not too much.
alycewilson
Apr. 30th, 2017 04:35 pm (UTC)
That's always the trick, isn't it? I had a very good poetry professor who cautioned us not to "tie a bow" on the end of a poem but to leave space for the readers to make their own connections. It's easier to say than to do!
messygorgeous
Apr. 30th, 2017 05:34 pm (UTC)
Very powerful little piece. The imagery is spit on. Nothing like that moment in the night when a storm wakes you with its fury.
alycewilson
Apr. 30th, 2017 06:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I was hoping I could evoke some of that fury and the confusion it spawns.
my_name_is_jenn
May. 1st, 2017 04:35 pm (UTC)
This was very powerful. I love how it flowed.
alycewilson
May. 2nd, 2017 10:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm glad you feel it was powerful.
rswndrlst
May. 1st, 2017 10:56 pm (UTC)
I love being woken up by a storm actually, what a neat use of the prompt!
alycewilson
May. 2nd, 2017 10:16 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I love storms, too. A little disconcerting at first, though!
murielle
May. 2nd, 2017 07:32 am (UTC)
Beautiful poem! Strong images! I find this profoundly moving. Brava!
alycewilson
May. 2nd, 2017 10:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm glad to hear it.
tonithegreat
May. 2nd, 2017 01:48 pm (UTC)
Oooh, I like this poetic form. You were brave to do a poem at this stage of idol! This was really evocative of that familiar waking panic feeling, and of how sometimes sleeping the good sound sleep that disconnects you really ends up making you feel the most alive of all.
alycewilson
May. 2nd, 2017 10:20 pm (UTC)
I don't know if I was brave so much as that's where my mind went this week. I like that you got the "waking panic" feeling from it that I was going for, as well as the feeling of disconnection or returning to the body.
favoritebean
May. 2nd, 2017 11:07 pm (UTC)
I love this. It reminds me of how I felt about thunder storms when I was fresh out of college in my twenties.
( 29 comments — Leave a comment )

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