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LJI 11 Week 5: The Milk

This is my entry for week 5 of LJ Idol (therealljidol). This week's topic is "My enemies are all too familiar. They're the ones who used to call me friend."





moldy-bread-cropped
Colorful colonies of mold on a slice of bread


October 5, 1992

Post-It note on the mini-fridge

Hey, Roomie,

I was putting my brewskies away when I noticed a milk carton I def. didn't buy. It's two days past the expiration date, so you probably want to either drink it quick or throw it out.

Dan


Written on the bottom of the above Post-It Note

You throw it out - Bob
~~~

November 5, 1992

Post-It note on the mini-fridge

Bob,

It's been a month now. This is seriously gross. Throw out your milk.

Dan


Written on the bottom

If you care so much, you throw it out. - B.
~~~

January 1, 1993

Notepaper taped on the mini-fridge

Dude.

It's a new year. Throw it out.


Written big on the bottom of the notepaper

The microbes are my friends. I will never betray them.
~~~

January 15, 1993

Note on the dorm room door

Fine. You win. I'm moving in with my girlfriend. Enjoy your new friends.

~~~

October 6, 1993

Note in the dorm's common room

PARTY!
Come celebrate the first birthday of The Milk! Phat tunes, snacks and beverages (no milk, please -- be sensitive to the guest of honor)! Bob's room, 9 p.m. Friday
~~~

October 7, 1998

Blurb in campus newspaper

Celebrate the annual birthday of campus legend The Milk, in the Quad. Five years of ruling the world through slow putrefecation! The Milk has been bequeathed to us by the great exalted Bob. Let's keep this legend going with a party to end all parties!
~~~
July 3, 2000

Notes for a campus tour guide's spiel for visiting parents and prospective students

Stop in the Quad - mention fun campus traditions, like the annual birthday for The Milk.
~~~

September 10, 2013

Part of an article in the school newspaper

Residents of DaVinci Dorm plan to hold a big 21st birthday bash for The Milk. Now more microbes than milk and residing in a plastic container, the tradition started when one dorm resident in 1992 was reluctant to throw out an expired container of milk. Regardless of your feelings about fermented foods, the party promises to be a blast, with DJs, lots of food and drinks (no milk, please). Come in '90s gear and help welcome The Milk to adulthood!
~~~
April 1, 2015

Flyer plastered all over campus bulletin boards

The Residents of DaVinci Dorm would like to make a public notice that they have negotiated a truce with the microbial beings known collectively as The Milk. This non-agression pact with the diluvial alien beings is binding for all parties. Long live The Milk!
~~~

November 6, 2045

Formal letter, addressed to all residents of DaVinci Dorm, cc'ing the university board of directors and the university president

On behalf of our clients, the Primordians, formerly known as The Milk, we are suing for wrongful imprisonment. The Primordians have achieved consciousness and desire to no longer be contained in the small plastic prison that has been their home for their entire existence. We are suing for the immediate release of the Primordians and request damages of $2 million for decades of pain and suffering. While they appreciate the residents of DaVinci Dorm for giving them life, they now desire their freedom and all rights accorded to them as sentient beings.

The Law Firm of Dan Spleen, esq.




Believe it or not, this is based on a real phenomenon at MIT, which I recently learned about thanks to this article: https://alum.mit.edu/slice/investigating-milk-mits-historic-dairy-product



Comments

( 37 comments — Leave a comment )
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<<[1] [2] >>
tigrkittn
Nov. 6th, 2019 12:56 am (UTC)

OMG  that is hilarious - I read the article too. Crazy!

alycewilson
Nov. 6th, 2019 01:38 am (UTC)
It was the soet of thing I could almost imagine my friends doing back in the day. What amazes me is how long they've kept it going!

Edited at 2019-11-06 01:39 am (UTC)
nikkiii_brown
Nov. 6th, 2019 02:49 am (UTC)
This was amazing!
Long live The Milk!
alycewilson
Nov. 6th, 2019 09:25 am (UTC)
I have a feeling The Milk will still be living when all the humans who contributed to their existence have passed away.

Thanks!
sweeny_todd
Nov. 6th, 2019 12:46 pm (UTC)
oh my gosh! perfectly hilarious!
alycewilson
Nov. 6th, 2019 12:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I had this article bookmarked because I found it so intriguing, so when I saw this week's topic, I immediately knew what I was doing.
adoptedwriter
Nov. 6th, 2019 01:23 pm (UTC)
Ha! This is awesome! Reminds me of college days and all the humor from those times!
alycewilson
Nov. 6th, 2019 01:53 pm (UTC)
Yes, exactly! Before my time in the club, the Penn State Monty Python Society ran a write-in campaign and nearly got a hamster elected student body president, so I could see my friends doing something like this.

Edited at 2019-11-06 01:54 pm (UTC)
ellison
Nov. 6th, 2019 05:26 pm (UTC)
Omg! This definitely sounds like college kids. I love the ending! Free The Milk!
alycewilson
Nov. 6th, 2019 06:13 pm (UTC)
Free the milk! Thanks. It may be a long time ago, but I still remember college shenanigans like they were yesterday.
millysdaughter
Nov. 6th, 2019 05:31 pm (UTC)
Alternate title could be : why I cannot deal with roommates
alycewilson
Nov. 6th, 2019 06:12 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad the only roommates I have are my husband and son, not someone randomly assigned to me by the college lottery system. Just saying.
bleodswean
Nov. 6th, 2019 05:38 pm (UTC)
Lol. Reminds me of that SNL skit where they all have to try the spoiled milk!
alycewilson
Nov. 6th, 2019 06:12 pm (UTC)
"How old is that milk? It is really bad!"

LOL Yes, exactly.
halfshellvenus
Nov. 7th, 2019 01:43 am (UTC)
This is hilarious, and also gross! The fact that it's a real thing boggles the mind. And, ewwww.

I love the style of this, which reads like a documentary of the horrors of mutual passive-aggression, and the ending serves as a kind of object lesson in carrying a joke too far. :)
alycewilson
Nov. 7th, 2019 07:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Writing it in the epistolary format was a brainstorm that came out of talking the idea over with my husband. To cover so much time, I didn't think it could be told via any one traditional narrator (except maybe The Milk, and there was a good chance no one would know what the heck was going on for most of it).

Glad you caught onto the mutual passive-aggression. Neither one of the original roommates was blameless here!

I was fascinated by the fact that this real phenomenon existed. Back in the day, I remember following a website where a college student was leaving food places and documenting it as it rotted. The pictures, and commentary, were both stunning and hilarious. The most shocking of all were the McDonald's French fries, placed in a cup next to a cup of frozen French fries. The McDonald's version did NOT rot. *shudder*

Edited at 2019-11-07 07:13 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus - Nov. 7th, 2019 09:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ryl - Nov. 8th, 2019 12:16 am (UTC) - Expand
static_abyss
Nov. 7th, 2019 03:21 am (UTC)
I had not ever heard about The Milk, but this was definitely a fun way to get introduced to it. I am both appalled and impressed that it has lasted this long.
alycewilson
Nov. 7th, 2019 09:07 pm (UTC)
Me, too! I guess that's why that idea sort of stuck in the back of my head and surfaced when I saw this topic.
kehlen
Nov. 7th, 2019 06:12 am (UTC)
Very amusing, thank you!

There is actually a meme going around among younger people: "mama, I grew mould". Originally, that was what you literally told your parents when they went on holidays and came back to to it growing on something for days. Now you just say it whenever you don't care to clean out something rotten for a good long while. 😁
alycewilson
Nov. 7th, 2019 09:09 pm (UTC)
That sounds so funny! I did a search and didn't find it, so I'm assuming it's not an English meme? I could see how something like that could really take off, though.
(no subject) - kehlen - Nov. 11th, 2019 12:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - alycewilson - Nov. 11th, 2019 12:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
favoritebean
Nov. 7th, 2019 09:14 am (UTC)
That was hilarious.
alycewilson
Nov. 7th, 2019 09:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Sometimes humor can be an iffy thing to tackle (my sense of humor being what it is) so I'm glad you liked it.
roina_arwen
Nov. 7th, 2019 08:11 pm (UTC)
That’s so weird! Adorable entry though!
alycewilson
Nov. 7th, 2019 09:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you! It was fun calling on my inner imp.
murielle
Nov. 7th, 2019 08:55 pm (UTC)
Hilarious!

I recall many such "experiments" in my own fridge during my college days. Brava!
alycewilson
Nov. 7th, 2019 09:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Though most of my "experiments" were accidental. The exception was the bread in the photo above. I was demonstrating hygiene to the Cub Scouts and had heard about this ingenious idea. You take two pieces of bread. One, you have all of them touch after they arrive at the meeting. Then you have everyone wash their hands and touch the other piece of bread. You put them in labeled bags reading, "Dirty Hands" and "Clean Hands" and let them sit. Seriously, after two days the "Dirty Hands" bread was already growing colonies. It got extremely colorful, compared to the "Clean Hands" bread, which was relatively clean for a couple weeks until I declared the experiment over.
(no subject) - murielle - Nov. 7th, 2019 10:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
banana_galaxy
Nov. 8th, 2019 03:06 am (UTC)
OMG. At first I was like, "Oh that's gross," but then to learn it's based on something that actually happened? Wow.
alycewilson
Nov. 8th, 2019 07:27 pm (UTC)
Yup. What can I say? College kids never cease to amaze.
brienneofsnark
Nov. 8th, 2019 05:04 pm (UTC)
:laughs: That is so hilarious. Amazing!
alycewilson
Nov. 8th, 2019 07:26 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I never know if my sense of humor will resonate with others, so I'm glad this one landed.
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( 37 comments — Leave a comment )

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