Stuck inside? Looking to lose weight? Need to get rid of $2,000 fast? Got too much space in your basement or garage?
The BoonJoggle is for you!
* Strength trainer
* Laundry drying rack
Why settle for jogging when you can tie up ten square feet of floor space with a fancy piece of exercise equipment? Just looking at it makes you feel fitter. And let’s face it: You’ll mostly just be looking at it, as it sits in your bedroom, covered with towels. Mocking you: “Remember those months that you used the BoonJoggle and lost an incredible 5 pounds? That was 20 years ago, loser.” But maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time, you’ll stay with the program. You’ll defy the odds. You’ll prove them all wrong. You’ll even figure out how to use the resistance band thingie. You’ll lose those extra pounds. You’ll tighten up. You’ll finally be an after picture. Or maybe you’ll just break your toe on it, in the middle of the night. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. They say a sucker is born every minute, but so is a winner!
When a friend posted on Facebook, asking for advice on a home exercise machine, I wrote a comment telling him not to waste his money. "All you really need to get in shape is a body," I told him. I recommended a number of online workouts he could try that don't require any equipment at all.
Don't know if he'll take my advice, but his question reminded me of an exercycle my parents had. It sat next to the ironing board in the master bedroom for about 30 years, and as far as I know, I'm the only one who ever used it, for about six months during my senior year of high school. After that, it became a glorified drying rack for jeans that my mom didn't want to shrink by throwing them in the dryer.
For anyone who's actually interested in the item shown on the ad above, which looks like an exercycle that has attached resistance bands with handles, it's currently available for just $300 on eBay. It also has a little platform on the back that you can supposedly use for waist exercises and pushups, but is actually perfect for stubbing your toe in the dark.